What would life be if we had no courage to attempt anything?
Lately I have been struggling a lot with depression and suicidal ideation. I go through periods of this; right now it’s brought on by severe stress from work, wedding, and lack of money. I was reduced to tears at work on Saturday and ready to quit. I emailed my mom while in my fractured state (as my phone doesn’t work as a phone at my work place, thinking I’m across the border, so I only have wifi with which to connect to the outside world) and just unloaded on her.
She responded to my email, and I felt a little better. Better enough to not quit. Yesterday she sent me this video on FB:
She’s watched a lot of Doctor Who with me, including that episode. I know she sent it to me to remind me that I have the same power that Vincent does — to transform my pain into ecstatic beauty, and that I need to live through my pain if I want to do that. And to remind me that even though I might feel that I am worthless as a creator, many people do now and will in the future love my work. My work means something to someone, so it cannot be worthless.
After watching, I am of course a blubbery mess, but a blubbery mess who’s feeling much better about getting through this crap.
So I thought I would share it with you, too, in case you need to see this scene and cry good tears.
PS: Van Gogh is one of my favourite painters ever, so this episode was one of my favourite episodes.