2020: the year of detox

In the latter half of 2019 I started getting more into astrology, the moon phases, and a bunch of related stuff. So I subscribed to Ivy at Circle Thrice‘s newsletter, and downloaded their Agile Magic Manifesto. I bought the Moonology 2020 diary, with the intent of using it to make this year awesome.

As a result, I ended up subscribing to Yasmin Boland‘s stuff too, and ended up downloading their Promises and Pressures 2020 Guide.

The promise for Leo is that I can detox my life. The pressure is that my love life is being tested.

Well. Let’s examine that.

I’m moving up to Powell River at the end of this month to work a new job and to be closer to my mom, whose health has taken some turns lately. Mr. Morag is staying in the Lower Mainland.

I’d say that’s a test, yeah.

But I also look askance at this guide: it tells me to detox everything, including my relationships. This feels weird to me, because the most supportive and the least toxic thing in my life is my marriage to Mr. Morag.

Is there some toxicity? Yes. I’d be lying if I said there weren’t. But it’s not from the marriage itself, but from our circumstances. Financial, career, housing. These things put strain on the most perfect of relationships — and no relationship is truly perfect.

We are strong, but we are human.

Perhaps this astrology guide is merely pointing out what I’d already discovered. Perhaps it is simply saying, “Yup, all this stuff you figured is true, you’re on the right track.”

Because to fix that toxicity, we need to move — together — to a place that is our own. To do that, we need to make more money. To achieve that, I need to move away for a while and work this job. We must save, save, save.

We must fling ourselves into the wild unknown and pray that our love and faith are enough.

I have faith in us. Despite the brain weasels that pick at my anxiety with sharp teeth, I have faith.

So that’s marriage sorted. The rest?

Detox time.

I have been scattering my attention to the winds for years. I cannot keep up with everything. I’m stretched too thin, and I am dropping so many balls.

I’m simplifying. My online life, my physical life. The projects I take on.

In 2020, I will…

  • take on no new publishing clients. The only books I’ll be publishing will be mine and my mom’s.
  • pare down my social media profiles to those that I actually use.
  • sign up for new things only if I am sure they not add to my stress.
  • practice physical minimalism. That is to say: I will pare down my belongings to the minimum I need to live happily.*
  • cut my Facebook time down to that which I need to run my businesses.
  • finish any lingering projects that can be finished, and move them out of my life.

Minimalism

*You notice my definition of minimalism is probably different from the one that gets batted around frequently. I don’t recall exactly where I heard it. I know it was a YouTube video by a woman with an Irish accent, but I don’t remember her name or the title of the video.

She talked about minimalism being just that — the minimum you need to be happy.

This means it’s not about Spartan living, with only the things that keep you alive. It’s much more in line with the idea behind KonMari, or things “sparking joy”.

However, I find it easier to use when I’m asking myself what to keep and what to discard. The concept of items “sparking joy” can be difficult to understand when dealing with mental illness.

And it’s better than standard minimalism, because we all have different minimum happiness levels. As a Leo, my need for physical comforts is quite high.

“Our Thoughts Create Our Reality”

This is true, and it isn’t. You’ve heard me rant about the Secret being complete bullshit before. It is.

But it’s also true our thoughts have a profound effect on our lives. Life is filled with paradoxes. This is one of them.

I’ll give you an example: at some point, I noticed that the only things I was posting to Facebook were negative things. Complaints. Rants. All the shit in my life, posted there for everyone to see.

I decided I didn’t want to do that anymore. I made a conscious effort to post only the positive things in my life for a good while.

You know what happened? My mood improved.

Yes, I still have depression and anxiety — those don’t get magicked away — but I was no longer 100% miserable all the time. Depression still existed, but I could actually fight it.

Now on Facebook I try to keep a balance — honest, but optimistic — but mostly I just try not to post that much at all. It’s better for my mental health.

Vitamin D doesn’t fix depression.

But it helps.

If I take Vitamin D, but skip out on my Sertraline? It does nothing. Jack and shit. And I’m super fucking crazy.

If I take my Sertraline and I take Vitamin D? Noticeable uptick in my mood than if I skip the Vitamin D and just take the Sertraline.

This is the same idea, except instead of Vitamin D, I’m talking about Gratitude.

The Promises and Pressures report is telling me that to detox my thoughts, turn to Gratitude.

If I find myself thinking shitty things about people in my life? Turn to Gratitude. If I find myself getting anxious? Gratitude.

It’s not easy. (Neither is remembering to take my Vitamin D.) But like the vitamin, it works.

It’s not a fix.

It’s a supplement.

Attitude of Gratitude

So I’m working on it. I’m using my Moonology diary to write down things I’m grateful for everyday. When shit goes sideways, I try to think thankfully for whatever isn’t sideways.

I’m not perfect. But I’m trying. It’s all any of us can do.

And I’m going to walk the walk, right now.

Today, I’m grateful for…

  • indoor heating.
  • still being alive.
  • you, reading this blog. Thank you.

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