30 Days of Paganism: Paganism and my relationship

Ogre was raised by a woman who was trained in the Gardnerian line of Wicca and is very involved in the local pagan scene. He’s spent his life involved in pagan events of some stripe or another, so there were zero problems in his accepting my paganism when we started dating. In fact, we met at an event that had its roots in another pagan event (it has since become its own thing, but it’s still pretty pagan).

Now that we’re getting close to having kids, and talking about having kids more, I don’t know what shape religion is going to take in our family life. Ogre is mostly agnostic, sometimes leaning into anti-theist in his vehement dislike of religious fundamentalism. He’s not really anti-theist, but his rants are not always articulate about the difference between religious fundamentalism and just religion. I know he never means me when he rants, and he just doesn’t always find the right words when he’s pissed off about some fundamentalist fuckery going on in the world. And I’m in that spot often enough, so I don’t get mad about this anymore.

I won’t lie: I would probably like it if Ogre became more pagan, or more polytheist. I got a nudge from a god a few years ago that He’d like to get to know Ogre. I passed the message on, but I had to let the god know: “I’ll tell ‘im, but I doubt anything will come of it. Just so you know.” Ogre doesn’t really know what to make of it, and I don’t know if he’ll ever explore it.

But also, I have to admit I kinda like having something that’s all mine, you know? Something I don’t have to share. I actually like that we have a lot of our own things in the relationship. It helps me keep from letting him subsume me, as I’ve done in other relationships. I tend to let the identity of me as part of a couple overshadow my identity as just me, and it’s dangerous for my mental health. So having many varied, separate interests, while still finding enough common ground to mesh well together, is important to me — and that is what we have.

So if he never does become more pagan than “comes with me to events and stands in the background, laughing and joking with friends”, that’s fine too. Ultimately, it’s his decision, and I can’t sway it.

As long as he’s okay with me turning our eventual future house into one giant shrine.

~Morag

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