If you’re visiting the blog itself and not reading from a feed or email, you probably notice something different.
As in, the entire theme.
I get bored easily. I’m a creature of change. I like flame because it’s never static. I need earth in my life just to centre me and ground me long enough so I’m not constantly shooting into space, dying and being reborn. (Read: why I’m going to marry my Virgo Ogre. He keeps me grounded.)
I decided that it was time to change my blog’s look.
I found the theme “Monster” and immediately knew it had to be I&I’s new look. It’s so cute. And witchy/Halloweeny. And it has the option to have a member of the latrodectus family in the monster-spot, though drawn in an abstract enough way to not trigger my aracnophobia. (If it triggers yours, I apologize.)
Only thing I wish I could do with this theme is change the accent color — green — to purple. But as I like green just fine, I will live.
More on topic: I’m also feeling restless in my religious life, truth be told. Specifically, ADF.
Recently a pregnancy scare had me seriously thinking about how I’m going to raise my future children. (Don’t worry; I bleed still.
The world doesn’t end this year.) I plan on having kids with the Ogre in about three years. It’s important; Ogres are endangered, you know. He’s not exactly pagan; he’s more agnostic-who-makes-fun-of-all-religions-equally, but he’s fairly involved with the local pagan community via his mom. Everyone knows him, at least.
This is great for me, and for the Ogrelets we will spawn in the future. The community is already here, and I’m pretty much already part of it. I never have to worry about my kids not having a religious community.
Which makes me question my remaining in ADF. Though technically I’m not still; my membership has lapsed and lack of any money has forced me to not renew quite yet. But there isn’t a huge ADF presence in Vancouver. There’s a protogrove in Kelowna, and
I hate that place and never wish to go there again that’s quite a drive away. I’m sure there are ADF-ers in Van, but no grove.
I joined ADF because I wanted to be part of a church-like structure in preparation for having kids. That was my main reasoning. I want to raise my future kids as pagans. Not any specific denomination; I plan on taking them to as many varied events as I possibly can. But Druidry seemed the best bet.
Now I find my interest waning. I won’t lie; this is in no small part related to some of the things I’ve witnessed on the email lists. I suppose I’m spoiled in my online pagan dealings — my main place of residence in online-Pagandom has been The Cauldron, the rules of which focus on discussion and debate over fellowship. I come to expect a high level of discussion from folks, and most other places — the ADF email-lists included — just aren’t up to the task. Disagreements seen as personal attacks; a large amount of privilege-fail; some staggeringly bad scholarship combined with wilful ignorance. (Morrigan is not a gorram blossom-goddess, and She is not married to Lugh. Sorry. Never going to happen.)
I suppose it’s all made me feel rather soured towards ADF as a source for fellowship. I’ll still do the requirements for the Dedicant’s Path, because I believe in finishing a job, and I find it interesting regardless. But I’ve unsubscribed from the email lists, and I doubt I’ll be signing up again for any of them any time soon. Maybe I just…need a break.
Anyway. I’m finding myself more and more drawn to ATC as a place to [religiously] raise my kids. I had a good time at Spring Mysteries Fest, and one thing I remember seeing and feeling really happy about was a collection of kids, walking together, and talking about the gods. ATC also runs SpiralScouts, and while there’s currently no group here in Vancouver (there is one in British Columbia, way up in the north), there may be by the time I have Ogrelets of an age to join. If not in Vancouver, there may be one in Nanaimo, which is only a short ferry ride away.
I’m still not sure if I’m going to formally become a member of ATC or if I’ll just continue to hang out at their parties as a bit of a gate-crasher. But I do feel myself more and more drawn to them — even if they are Wicca and I sort of vehemently, angrily, genderqueerly swore off Wicca at some point. They seem to be of a brand of Wicca that I can tolerate for extended periods of time — this may be enough for me to consider doing the Postulancy.