finding strength

The Samhain that Wasn't

Following up on a successful, if belated, Loafmass, this year I wanted to have a good Samhain celebration. I tried to get to it by October 31st, but that didn’t […]

Fleeing Father's Day

Father’s day is hard for me. I’ve been trying to reclaim it in Manannan’s name, as He is my Father now. Since I cut my bio-sire out of my life […]

the text "what cannot be said will be wept" attributed to Sappho laid over a visual representation of her.

I feel as if I’ve spent an entire week crying; weeping out my anguish first for the betrayal of the mothers who once welcomed me, and today for the physical […]

The moon, waxing gibbous, surrounded by clouds.

2015 was a kind of crazy year for me. WordPress was kind enough to do the 2015 blogging report for this blog, because I have Jetpack enabled, and I found […]

I never really noticed how much of my religion is physical until I couldn’t do it anymore. I broke my leg and possibly did some tendon/ligament damage in the knee […]

Part of our TCBP topic for February is Self-Love, so I’m attempting to write about it. It’s hard. I’m finding it as hard as loving myself, honestly, and I find […]

Poison in the Bones

It took me a year, but I finally followed through on scrubbing the poison from my bones. It happened at Greaters, which I can’t tell you the details of, but […]

Going the Distance

Proper posture hurts. When I align my spine correctly, I have to brace myself against a wall with my hands. My breathing comes short and I get dizzy. Sweat breaks […]

I winged the ritual. It actually turned out better that way. I was in no state earlier today to write anything coherent or useful — I’d been up all night. […]

Trigger warning: rape, eating disorders, fatphobia, abuse I have a lot of trauma triggers. Some of them are big. Some, not so big. The big ones are ones more likely […]

Let Go and Let the Gods

My old church had a saying: “Let go, and let God.” Even though I was pagan while attending said church, I always loved that saying, and tried to apply it […]

A lesson I have yet to learn: other people’s advice is never as good as my own intuition.  On Saturday night I went with some friends to their belated Full […]

Finally doing that B post that I was missing! Trigger warning for discussion of cutting. Warning for discussion of blood and blood sacrifice. On June 23rd, at sunset, I had […]

I made a commitment to myself at some point this year. Not a new year’s resolution, because I don’t believe in those and it’s a stupid time to make resolutions, […]

I wear a key around my neck. It rests on a chain next to a silver and gold (or gold and white gold; can’t tell) snake pendant and a gold […]

Trigger Warning: rape. I am a bee head-butting the aggressor; a snake poised to strike; a cat with its ruff all up, pupils gone large, claws extended. I was just […]

Fear is under my skin like St. Anthony’s Fire –Onion Girl, Holly Cole I mentioned previously that I live in fear of being alone all the time. This is true. […]

I’m a week late on this PBP post. I could give you a rousing round of excuses, but it’s kind of pointless. Life happens, and I’m sure y’all don’t begrudge […]