The Samhain that Wasn’t
Following up on a successful, if belated, Loafmass, this year I wanted to have a good Samhain celebration. I tried to get to it by October 31st, but that didn’t […]
finding strength
Fleeing Father’s Day
Father’s day is hard for me. I’ve been trying to reclaim it in Manannan’s name, as He is my Father now. Since I cut my bio-sire out of my life […]
What cannot be said will be wept
I feel as if I’ve spent an entire week crying; weeping out my anguish first for the betrayal of the mothers who once welcomed me, and today for the physical […]
Welcome, 2016
2015 was a kind of crazy year for me. WordPress was kind enough to do the 2015 blogging report for this blog, because I have Jetpack enabled, and I found […]
Motivation (or, How I Need to Trick Myself to Get Shit Done)
I’m trying to find ways to motivate myself right now. It’s not easy. I’ve been stuck in a depressive funk for a while and I’m not sure why. Even on […]
Embodiment while broken
I never really noticed how much of my religion is physical until I couldn’t do it anymore. I broke my leg and possibly did some tendon/ligament damage in the knee […]
Self-love is a verb
Part of our TCBP topic for February is Self-Love, so I’m attempting to write about it. It’s hard. I’m finding it as hard as loving myself, honestly, and I find […]
Poison in the Bones
It took me a year, but I finally followed through on scrubbing the poison from my bones. It happened at Greaters, which I can’t tell you the details of, but […]
Going the Distance
Proper posture hurts. When I align my spine correctly, I have to brace myself against a wall with my hands. My breathing comes short and I get dizzy. Sweat breaks […]
Samhain, part 2: Embracing God the Father
Remember when I said Manannan wasn’t a thwap? I’m thinking perhaps I was wrong. He’s been very clear, the past month, what He wants from me this Samhain. He wants […]
The Severance
I winged the ritual. It actually turned out better that way. I was in no state earlier today to write anything coherent or useful — I’d been up all night. […]
When you have wounds on the astral body….
This post is more rambling and looking for answers than a solid, coherent piece of writing. Also I talk about maggots and worms and crap (not actual crap; crap used […]
Jukebox, mental illness, ritual, and community
then she drinks herself up and out of her kitchen chair and she dances out of time as slow as she can sway as long as she can say this […]
It’s the little things.
Trigger warning: rape, eating disorders, fatphobia, abuse I have a lot of trauma triggers. Some of them are big. Some, not so big. The big ones are ones more likely […]
Becoming My Own Person — a ritual with Persephone and Hades
A week ago Friday I posted about Persephone, and becoming my own person. I said I was going to do a ritual to cut myself away from my abusive father, […]
Let Go and Let the Gods
My old church had a saying: “Let go, and let God.” Even though I was pagan while attending said church, I always loved that saying, and tried to apply it […]
Persephone, and becoming your own person
When I was a child I was obsessed with the myth of Persephone’s descent. I read all the sanitized versions, of course, and so came to associate Her descent with […]
Expelling the Venom
A lesson I have yet to learn: other people’s advice is never as good as my own intuition. On Saturday night I went with some friends to their belated Full […]
Blood Sacrifice
Finally doing that B post that I was missing! Trigger warning for discussion of cutting. Warning for discussion of blood and blood sacrifice. On June 23rd, at sunset, I had […]
Being Brutally Honest
I made a commitment to myself at some point this year. Not a new year’s resolution, because I don’t believe in those and it’s a stupid time to make resolutions, […]
The Key
I wear a key around my neck. It rests on a chain next to a silver and gold (or gold and white gold; can’t tell) snake pendant and a gold […]
I am angry. (Trigger Warning)
Trigger Warning: rape. I am a bee head-butting the aggressor; a snake poised to strike; a cat with its ruff all up, pupils gone large, claws extended. I was just […]
Fear + Action
Fear is under my skin like St. Anthony’s Fire –Onion Girl, Holly Cole I mentioned previously that I live in fear of being alone all the time. This is true. […]
Faith in Fallow Times
I’m a week late on this PBP post. I could give you a rousing round of excuses, but it’s kind of pointless. Life happens, and I’m sure y’all don’t begrudge […]
Depression, and how The Doctor helps me fight it
I might be clothed in sin But I’m more than the sum of the scars upon my skin I am more than the hurt of the words within my head […]